Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Was chatting with Keat Yao this morning (my kindergarden cum pri school classmate), he's getting ROM in December. So coincidence that his gf is staying somewhere near my block and the BS they booked is Golden Horse Award which is just next to my block.
Haiz, everyone's getting ROM/married. Left poor Brenbren rotting on the shelf waiting for her near-expiry date. From when I just hit the big "2", passed my mid 20s already and approaching the damned "3". Sometimes I wonder if I should stay on and continue to wait till god knows when or should I just give it all up?
I am so happy for my frens who are tying the knot yet feeling sad for myself. I wonder maybe its because I'm not good enough or I'm not the one or I'm not worth the effort? Yes, I know we both have financial commitments and our savings ain't consistent enough but still its a dream.
I am still dreading his working hours which are opposite to mine though it gives him more income. When at times I need someone to talk to, to listen to me, to chat with me, he's either asleep or working. I can go on paid leave and MC while no work means no income for him. It makes me feel guilty when all I want is to spend time with him when I'm on leave but he has to sacrifice his work and income. Somehow I have this nagging feeling that he probably resent me for it. I feel we hardly talk to each other anymore, we hardly meet up during weekdays and something is losing. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and thinking too much.
Its a public holiday but he's working this morning, this means he hasn't had much sleep since his night job usually ends around 5+ to 6am. So that means if I wanna go gaigai, he'll be feeling moody and frustrated. If I wanna go out on my own, he won't let me and insist on accompanying me and be all grumpy becos he does not have enough sleep. See? That's what I mean...
I know he hates shopping but I simply love it even if its window shopping. He's running outside everyday cos of work while I'm trapped in the office for hours. So while I'm yearning to go out, he's keen on staying home. Contradictions.
Brenbren at 10:50 AM
