Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Went to watch a movie, "Singapore Dreaming" at Vivo City with Hubby. I didn't think much of the movie initially becos it somehow gave me the impression that its just another movie abt Singaporeans chasing after the 5Cs. But... Though this was one of the topics, it actually also touched on kinship quite a lot which was so close to reality and especially true for me in some ways. In fact, it had me in tears at some parts of the movie. Parents' biasness towards the younger sibling was something that I could totally relate to. There were 2 children in the family, Seng (younger bro) and Mei (elder sis). Mei was the one with gd grades when she was schooling, while Seng was expelled in secondary school. Though they're adults now, but sibling rivalry though mild could be felt as Seng's father and Seng's gf supported him financially to study at a Uni in America.
It made me think of my own situation. I was the one with better grades in school, while my sis was the one with just pass/fail grades. My mum would spend hundreds on my sis when she requests for hps/mp3 on her b-day, while she would always tell me she had no money whenever I said I wanted to study for a degree.
Yet, when she strikes 4D or Toto, my house would always have a new fridge/plasma TV/washing machine/dryer etc. All these costs thousands, but she would rather buy all these electrical appliances rather than spending it on my further education. She will always say study so much for wat, you already have a diploma, next time getting married, get degree for wat. I just dun undestand it. My sis stopped studying when she flunked her N levels and has been rotting at home since for the past 3yrs. How abt me? I was in the Express stream and though not in those famous schools and results were so-so, but at least I managed to go to poly and graduate and I do have the interest to study.
Its so unfair, she's watching tv/surfing net/yakking on the phone/gog out with frens most of the time. While I'm slogging my guts out at work, pay for everything and supporting myself. But this is the treatment I'm getting. I know she has always in some way disliked me.. Why? Becos I look like my father whom she hates since they divorced when I was 5 or 6? My character according to her is like my father too, which is stubborn, hot-tempered, selfish, inconsiderate etc. I don't have a choice of my parents, do I? Its either I take after her or my father and just becos I take after my father and my sis is more like her, she hates me??? WTF.
To her, all the bad things are bound to be done by me and my sis is always the goody-two-shoes. So wat? I have a diploma, a job, a stable income, a normal social life, a loving bf. What does my sis have? No qualifications, no job, little/strange frens, living on the family's money and single. Ya, I can try to support myself to do a degree, but how to? My mum and sis are not working and though I'm not the sole breadwinner, I still contribute to the family and take care of their dinner. I have my own expenses to take care of too and she sometimes nags me for buying insurance. Hasn't she understand? Both of them are not working, should anything happen to me, wat's gonna happen to them with no income and savings?
But I suppose she will nvr understand. Becos of a mistake in the past, I have been condemned for life by her. Maybe I just somehow dun belong to this family...
Brenbren at 1:27 AM
