Saturday, July 19, 2008
I am feeling frustrated, fuming and about to explode. Especially when my mum broke one of my things AGAIN and shift the blame to me AGAIN. This time round its my Bio-essence Radiant Youth Essence which is 90% full and cost me freaking $30+. Its MY fault that it comes in a glass bottle packaging and that I shouldn't buy it. WTH?!?!? As if I can control how they wanna pack their products? Products which are supposed to remain dry are never left dry because if its not washed/wiped, it is DIRTY. F*ck. Its my hard-earned money for goodness sake. Arghz.
But I am too, too tired till I don't even have the energy to argue.
I need rest and loads of sleep... But I can never have that because its a ongoing war daily and I can never sleep in peace at home. I go to bed every night with the TV, radio and the lights on because my sister apparently must have all these on at the same time.
Oh and because I work in an air-conditioned office, I am deemed to be "having a very good life" and its "not stressful". I am labeled to be wasting money when I spend my own salary on clothes and stuff. But its ok for my mum to replace electricals that are working perfectly alright or just a tiny, minor scratch/defect which can be fixed easily? And... I'm the only one working in this bloody family. $400 a month too little to give? That is more than 20% of my pay for goodness sake. I need to pay my own bills, eat, travel, save and spend too. It is only right that I should give more if I get an increment, it doesn't matter how well I do at work as long as the money comes on time every month. If I am at a meeting or have a meeting, it must be I am getting a scolding by my boss, I must have done something wrong etc.
Please tell me what the hell have I done wrong to deserve all these? Don't they think of my feelings and that I am human too? Can they show me some love and concern? Can they try to understand my situation and that I need quality and not quantity sleep?
I just don't seem to belong here. This "family" of weird people who are just so different from me in terms of behaviour, thinking and everything else. Yet they think I'm the one who's abnormal and the odd one out. I can't fit in and feel isolated, lost and struggling my days through. I go back to a house daily, not a home.
A simple dream/wish/desire but waiting for ages... All I want is just a place called home... Please... Take me away from this house, I need to be freed and breathe.
Brenbren at 1:25 AM
